My husband went away this morning, 12 days in the USA. Leaving me with four kids 8 and under. For 12 days. Did I mention how long he’s gone for? And that it’s a holiday? Fun. Alone. Hotel.
My kids are hard work all the time. On your own it’s pretty much impossible. I’ve got some family coming to stay some nights, drop in, to make sure they haven’t killed me. I started thinking though how I am actually going to survive, and I’ve come up with some ideas.
– dinner will be takeaway. I’m pre-ordering pizza, Thai, Chinese on repeat. I’m actually excited about this. Can’t stand cooking. Some people may find this unacceptable. To me not feeding them at all is unacceptable, and it’s what would happen if I had to cook. A bit of pizza never hurt anyone.
– the washing will be sniff tested. No smell, no wash. End of story. Stains can be covered up. Socks turned inside out.
– TV will run 24 hours a day and there will be no limit on iPads or any other devices. Rack up that data usage kiddies! Actually that happens already, it will just be a new rule.
– they will wear their next day clothing to bed. All of them.
– baths will be every second day, except the toddler who will be hosed down. He’s dirty.
– I’m starting a new game – run and hide and see how long it takes mummy to find you. This should give me 30 seconds alone a day.
– the baby needs to start acting her age. 10 months is old enough to start contributing and quit being so needy. She can be on vacuum duty.
– the takeaway meals and breakfast and lunch will be thrown and served on the floor. Let’s face it, it’s where it ends up anyway, I’m saving time and water.
– I’ll ask my school mum friends to send in extras of their baking and fix my girl’s hair at the gates. I know you’re reading this – don’t be shy – put your hands up. It’s for the kids.
– no cleaning unless vital. Which is pretty much nothing. Sticking baby wipes under my shoes constitutes mopping the floors. The kids can disinfect on their second daily shower.
I think this should guarantee all kids will be breathing after the 12 days.
But I can’t promise. I’ll let you know how we go!