children

Dear Husband

July 16, 2015

Dear Husband,

I’ll start off by saying you’re a pretty good guy. We’ve been married 10 years in December, and in that time had 4 babies, plus the one you got for free when you met me. You work hard so I can stay at home. You’re an awesome cook, you do nappies, drop and pick kids up, shop, sometimes wash clothes. You don’t clean but insist I have a cleaner once a week. There’s always room for improvement, but I won’t dwell on that, I could improve too.

I started to tell you about the day I’d had recently. How tired I was, and had been for the past EIGHT YEARS. What you should have done is listen. But you didn’t. You said those words that when I see other women utter or write them, 500 others follow with “oh mine wouldn’t DARE say that.” But you did didn’t you?

“I work, I’m tired too, if you don’t like it get a job”

It’s not the first time you’ve said it. You tend to pull this when I’m complaining about how tired I am, and it always ignites WW3. You then start telling me how exhausted you are, how you work, if you don’t work we might all live in a tent. I don’t like tents.

When you wake up, I’ve been on night shift most of the night. I sleep down the end of the house, due to our youngest two waking more than a top on call obstetrician. I wake on average 3-4 times a night. You know the baby that still breastfeeds? I feed her. Me. 24/7 on call milk bar. That’s one shop that won’t shut until she’s ready to close it. I can’t get casual staff in to help out.

When you tell me you have your 5th work function on for the week, and you have to “entertain” I’m entertaining too. I’ve been Captain Barnacles at 532am and Peppa Pig at 6, and that’s before I get up. Do your clients get you to get on all fours to be a horse? Have you ever seen a horse carry four riders? I’ve been that. So forgive me when I don’t sympathise at you sitting in a restaurant on Sydney Harbour eating your big plate small food 7 course meals. The last degustation meal I ate was picking 8 sultanas off the floor.

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When you tell me you’re stressed, I don’t think you understand the meaning of the word. Stress is dragging 4 kids around Westfield on your own without losing them, then having 2 want the toilet right after the other two do number twos and you have no nappies. Our kids tandem poo now. Stress is losing your toddler for the 6th time and finding him in the display window of Witchery wearing knee high boots pretending to be Wonder Woman. That’s stressful. Not sitting in an office or a restaurant.

When you tell me you’re tired because you were out till 3am “working” – I have to query how much work you get done. The last time I stayed out till 3am was  2002, and it was a belter of a night. I remember those days well, don’t try to tell me it isn’t fun. The best times of my life were at 3am.

You told me once all staff are dispensable except one, and you weren’t talking about me. You should have been. I’m irreplaceable if I do say so myself. No nanny in the world would do this job. It’s a labour of love that money can’t pay for. So the next time you feel the need to pull that line go stand in our bathroom and tell it to our oversized mirror.

Because I have a job. Trust me when I say you don’t want me to quit.

Signed,

Your wife, for now

 

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15 Comments

  • Reply Tace July 17, 2015 at 12:35 am

    I love reading your posts!!!
    I just wish we had four weeks annual leave and had sick days then I think it would be easier 🙂 love my babies but man day in day out it’s tough!!! Lucky we can dream of channing Tatum dancing on our dining table 🙂

  • Reply mumatoo July 17, 2015 at 1:50 am

    word!!

  • Reply Sonya N. July 17, 2015 at 3:07 am

    Oh my, I feel for you! My hubby has intimated similar sentiments, but I don’t think he’d dare actually say it out loud. I hope he made up for it later!!

  • Reply Peta July 17, 2015 at 3:13 am

    Awesome. 🙂

  • Reply cate July 18, 2015 at 2:27 am

    my hubby says this often. I’ve given up arguing with him over it, I just go away for a weekend once a year, he quickly remembers how much he needs me to not quit.

    • Reply MumToFive July 18, 2015 at 3:26 am

      I’m with you Cate. My trips away will be starting once this baby is weaned!

      • Reply Sonya N. July 18, 2015 at 6:45 am

        I’m still breastfeeding my 3-yr-old (4 in Sept) – I feel like that option will never come!

  • Reply Rachel Stewart July 18, 2015 at 2:33 am

    It’s really frustrating when they don’t “get it”. Also why does it have to be a “who is tireder” competition.

    My darling partner even when he tries to empathises says it wrong. When I’ve been up half the night walking the hallway or dealing with crying etc and in the morning I say “I. am. so. tired.” he goes “I know, I was with you all night” (in spirit. Like, he was actually in bed, even if his sleep was disturbed too it’s really not the same as actually rocking our giant baby for an hour. Or breastfeeding 30 times a night.)

    Nope. Nope nope. You say “Gee wow it sounded really tough. I really appreciate that you do my half of the night time parenting.”

    • Reply MumToFive July 18, 2015 at 3:25 am

      Yes !!! Mine considers when the toddler Wakes yelling “come here” and allowing him to get into his bed because he can’t be bothered self settling as a disturbed night. No, zero sleep is a bad night

  • Reply Mumma McD July 18, 2015 at 4:04 am

    I’m so with you on this! My husband said it once and I’m afraid I wasn’t anywhere near as eloquent in my response!
    And the image of your toddler being a superhero in knee high boots had me giggling – been there too!! 🙂

  • Reply Jessica July 18, 2015 at 4:43 am

    Alison you are Supermum! I don’t think partners can every fully grasp what it is like to be a SAHP until they experience it themselves. And only then will they truly understand that comments like those make you want to punch them in the head! LOL xx

  • Reply Caroline Kelly July 18, 2015 at 6:25 am

    Whoops!

  • Reply Claire @ Life on Wallace July 18, 2015 at 11:31 am

    Are we married to the same man?!? So I’ve worked between having kids, in a job that is demanding and stressful, in a traditional sense. But I can assure you that working in that job is hands down easier than being at home and caring for small children 24-7.

  • Reply Hugzilla July 19, 2015 at 11:12 am

    Ohhhhhh, I like this!! LOL. Loved the degustation zinger!!

  • Reply Cas July 20, 2015 at 12:22 am

    Oh. My. Gosh. I cannot believe he pulled that shit! There are some days when I swear to the Universe that working full-time was much much easier than school runs, dancing lessons, dancing competitions, breastfeeding on demand, waking up 500 times a night, wiping snotty noses, negotiating grocery trips, arguing fruit vs biscuit etc etc etc.

    I can most definitely relate <3

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