I watched my daughters play netball on the weekend. It’s their first year playing, and they’re going pretty well. I found myself puffing my chest out a bit observing them, which got me thinking. Everyone loves to bang on when their kids make them look good. Obviously my kids being half decent netballers is my doing, even though I’ve never played a game in my life. But what about when you stuff up with this parenting thing? No one discusses that.
It stands to reason with 5 kids I’m given more leeway with screw ups. More kids, more errors. My parental failures started right from #1 though…..
I’ve lost my kids, numerous times.
#1, #3 and #4. 1 and 3 at the shops. I used to think how do people lose their kids pre my own. They’re not like a two dollar coin. Then I lost mine – three times. #4 got lost by wandering from our house with 5 other people at home. Now I see how fast it happens. This is a pic of our driveway. It’s about 74km long. Yet with 4 family members outside a 2-year-old boy pushing a pram in a purple fairy dress still wasn’t noticed. We found him 7 doors up stealing the neighbours mail.
I’ve locked my kids in the car
#1 and #2 and #3 together. The NRMA rescued the first. #2 managed to get out of her car seat and unlock the car herself just before dad was about to smash a window. Why don’t cars have emergency hatches for these things?
I tried to send my kids to school on a pupil free day
The fact there was not another soul in sight as I pulled up should have been clue enough. But I got them out and would have sent them to an empty school if I had not smacked into the teacher. She looked at me with pity. Not enough to take them in though.
I’ve forgotten to pack their school lunches
So many times I’ve lost count. And a few times I’ve played dumb and pretended they forgot it so I didn’t look bad. Who forgets to pack lunch? Lots I think, they’re all playing dumb too. In case it happens, a “Oh really, I told her to take the lunch off the bench” works well.
They’ve hurt themselves when I should have been watching
Various kids. One fell off the change table. One rolled off a bed. A few fell out of their prams. Most recently the baby fell out of her high chair. All times I thought they couldn’t move. It was a fast way to learn I was wrong.
I’ve locked myself out of the house with them inside
3 times! Twice with #1. I climbed through windows. The latest when I was heavily pregnant with the 5th. Cue toddler slamming door shut. He trashed the house while I rang the locksmith. Locksmith opened door telling me not to go into labour and saying he felt sorry for me. Not enough to waive his $150 emergency fee.
Will I stuff up again? Yes.
Will I publicly admit it? Absolutely!