I am a reality show junkie. So much so some years ago when I told my husband I was going to apply for Big Brother he said it was the show or him. I thought seriously about it, he ended up winning by default because I got pregnant again.
When Channel 7 announced Seven Year Switch was airing I was chomping at the bit. Four couples on the rocks changing spouses for two weeks. There were tears, screaming and demands. And that was just the preview ads.
Because nothing says my marriage is screwed so to fix it I am going to air my dirty laundry to the entire country by shacking up with another messed up partner like going on a reality show.
To be paired up with someone else who is a wreck.
Episode 1 introduced the couples and aired their issues. The whole encyclopaedia of them.
Couple 1: Brad & Tallena
Met on Tinder. Supposed to be married a month ago but postponed it due to money and stress. Haven’t had sex in 11 months – don’t have kids to excuse that. He puts his pet bird, golf his mates and purchasing a second TV the size of Timbuktoo over paying for his wedding. Brad is an idiot who is punching well above his weight. Told Tallena she can’t go out to dinner with her experimental partner on her birthday. Run very far Tallena. Take the bird with you to piss him off.
Couple 2: Michelle & Jason
Sweet couple. Have two kids, three if you count Jason. Boring. Jason wants her to have more fun like she used to pre kids. Don’t we all Jason. Maybe if you stopped trying to be Casey Stoner and helped your wife out more she’d play with you.
Couple 3: Ryan and Cassie
This couple tugged at my heart strings. They have lost a baby and lost their way. He is a man child and needs to grow the hell up. But he’s a sweetheart and she looks nice. Hopefully 2 weeks with some of the other losers will send them running back to each other. Where they belong.
Couple 4: Tim and Jackie
If ever there was a couple that were made for trash TV this is them. He won’t show her affection in public. Or at all. She can’t understand why. I can – I couldn’t stand her after 25 seconds and Tim has been with her 3 years and told her he loved her once by text. Which was one too many times. She’s abusive, controlling and nasty. Told him he can’t drink with his new partner or share a spa. He was necking an alcoholic beverage before he had his second leg inside his new house. Probably celebrating being away from her.
The departures from their homes saw tears and rules. Why were they crying when they can’t stand each other? Their new homes saw them flabbergasted there was only one bed. What did they expect – bunks? They’ve been set up to end their relationships in spectacular fashion. Will they last the two weeks? Will Jackie lose her shit when Tim goes in the spa? Will Tallena get her birthday dinner?
I can hardly wait.