#1 Don’t you have a TV set?
Everyone has a TV set. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t. When my teen first moved out of home he had no bed, but he had a TV. Can you imagine how miserable my life would be with no TV? People who have TVs still reproduce.
#2 Have you discovered what causes it yet?
Yes. I did sex education in high school. Unless it’s changed, I know how babies are made. Most people over 12 know how it happens. It would stand to reason if I have 5 children that I know better than most?
#3 How do you feed them all?
Like most people, by grocery shopping and cooking (attempting to cook I should say)
#4 I wouldn’t want to pay your food bill.
More a statement than a question. It’s normally a fish for you to admit how much you spend so they can look horrified and say “oh my god I don’t spend that in a year”
#5 Are they all to the same father?
This one gets on my goat. The answer is no, my first son is not my husband’s biological son. Why do random strangers care who fathered your children?
#6 Are you having any more?
The answer to this for the record is no. I’m done. This is a trick question. When I say no, people say “you said that last time” when I say yes, they say “you’re not are you, tell me you’re not. No you are NOT having anymore. Why did you ask me then?
#7 You must be an expert by now?
Far from it. I am not an expert in any area of parenting, nor am I ever likely to be. In fact I wouldn’t even place in most areas. I am an amateur at nearly all parenting basics. Luckily keeping them alive is the most important one!
#8 Did your last baby walk out?
NO NO NO!!!!!! It did not. It doesn’t get any less painful, you never get used to it, and nothing will ever “walk out”.
#9 Which ones your favourite?
At the moment, it’s #1 because he moved out. On any given day this favourite status changes to whoever is being the best at the time. I’m kidding. Do you have a favourite kid? No, neither do I.
#10 Are you going for a football team?
No, it would be a pretty pathetic football team with only 5 players. Football teams have 15+ players. Water polo team – possibly!