So…the year is 2011. Your oldest — your darling Aspie girl — is the relatively new kid in kindergarten and wants a party. “Sure,” you say, “Invite the entire class” because you want to be as inclusive as possible. Twenty-plus kids — many of whom decide to bring along a sibling on party day. The more the merrier!
Your child is pretty unconventional but loves the idea of a party theme around one of her special interests. “Sure,” you say, “I like themes, too.” Only problem is, the theme your child insists upon is The Smurfs — well before “The Smurf Movie” is planning on opening in Australia, so there is not one iota of Smurf stuff to purchase here. Like, ZILCH!
“OK,” you say. “It’s a good thing I have an American credit card and an American mother to send me stuff.” You purchase a bunch of Smurf paraphernalia on line. You then realize that it will cost so much to ship that it might just make sense to have your mother deliver it in person. You buy her a plane ticket.
“We have to have Smurf music at the party!” your daughter exclaims. Beyond that horrible Children-of-the-Corn-sounding Smurf theme song, WTF constitutes Smurf music?! You finally convince your daughter that because the Smurf TV show was so popular in the 1980s, retro is the way to go. You spend hours coming up with the right music that will not offend any of the parents at the nice little school your child attends. That means “Walking On Sunshine” is in, but “Little Red Corvette” is out.
Blue food. Gotta serve blue food. You scramble to find blue cordial, blue lollies, and bake blue cupcakes with dyed blue icing. You manage to locate the only non-character, mostly-blue jumping castle in all of NSW.
One last challenge. Your sweet little birthday girl — the one who is pinning all of her dreams on this “Smurfapalooza” — is desperate for a Smurf character to entertain at her party. No local businesses offer a Smurf because THE @&$%’ing MOVIE AND RELATED HAPPY MEALS HAVE NOT YET BEEN RELEASED IN AUSTRALIA. Plus, you are running out of money. So you come up with this brilliant idea.
You will be the Smurf. Or rather, Smurfette. Yes, you…oh ageing pear-shaped mother. You will be that Smurf.
You piece together the best outfit you can find, including a very itchy bright yellow Smurfette wig that you ordered from a costume shop. You don Smurf-blue tights (hot as hell) and a long sleeved Smurf-coloured leotard (equally suffocating). To top it all off — because you REALLY want to look “genuine” — you get the brilliant idea of covering the rest of your body in Smurf-blue body paint. On the hottest day of the month.
The other mothers come to your house in delicate sweater sets and capri pants. You look like a melting blue freak. You are so self conscious that you convince yourself that you overhear someone saying “Is this what American mothers typically do for their kids’ parties?”
The kids (they have multiplied!) are jacked up on blue artificial colouring and are going nuts in your backyard. There are children in your trees. There are children on your fence. Your husband is on the phone to his dear mother, delivering a play-by-play of the event instead of helping out. You want to throttle him. Thank goodness your mother is there because she is pulling kids down from the roof.
Four years on, this normally quiet corridor of Northwest Sydney STILL buzzes about “Smurfapalooza 2011.” Some call it the greatest children’s party ever. Others think it was an act of craziness….
Either way, the neighbourhood will NEVER be the same!
Smurfapalooza 2011 (Songs From The Golden Era of Smurf):
Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’ (Michael Jackson)
Rock This Town (Stray Cats)
Wake Me Up Before You Go Go (Wham!)
Footloose (Kenny Loggins)
Karma Chameleon (Culture Club)
We Got The Beat (The Go Gos)
Walking On Sunshine (Katrina & The Waves)
Celebration (Kool & The Gang)
Safety Dance (Men Without Hats)
Ghostbusters (Ray Parker, Jr.)
Fame (Irene Cara)
Our House (Madness)
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (Cyndi Lauper)
Take On Me (a ha)
Eye Of The Tiger (Survivor)
Jump (Van Halen)
Dancing On The Ceiling (Lionel Richie)
You’re A Friend Of Mine (Clarence Clemens & Jackson Browne)
The Smurf Theme – Smurphalicious Dance Mix (Mander & One T)