The Real Mums Book – Part 1, Babies

May 31, 2015

Everyone wants to be the perfect parent. There’s a million books available – What to Expect when you’re Expecting, Toddler Taming, Get Your Kid To Sleep Through in 3 days at 4 weeks of age.

Where’s the book with the questions you really want answered truthfully?

The answer is there isn’t one. So I thought I’d share mine.

My child has a dummy and I’m worried they’re addicted to it.

You want your child to be addicted to the dummy. A dummy isn’t known as a pacifier for nothing. It stops a high percentage of the crying and whining. My only tip on the dummy besides giving it is to buy at least 300 of them. Because at 3am when you can’t find it, you’re stuffed. And I mean really stuffed. Do not ever be in this position.


My baby won’t stop breastfeeding. She won’t take a bottle.

This is my favourite topic to be truthful on. If you’re fine being a 24/7 all you can eat buffet, exclusively breastfeed. If you ever want to leave your child in the first 1-2 years of its life get it used to a bottle. No one told me about bottle refusal. I thought it was like my sister and wine – you offer it and she mows you down to get to it.

My child is over 6 weeks old and still wakes 5 times a night. Why?

The answer is you can try every sleep book under the sun, go to sleep school (I recommend this I’ve been 6 times) but when push comes to shove some kids are crap sleepers and some are going to wake up at 5am for years, even after waking 8 times already. Find a good set of friends to share your misery with, because listening to people tell you little Max sleeps from 7-7 at 4 days of age makes you want to stab yourself with a toothpick.

I’m feeding my baby jar food and food from a packet. Is that bad?

No, no it’s not. They sell pre-made baby food because it’s convenient and people buy it. There are millions of parents pretending they hand stew every apple their child has ever eaten. Most of them are lying. You can lie too, just hide the rubbish well when your judgmental family and friends visit.

Sometimes I want to retire from this baby gig.

When you haven’t showered in 2 days, have slept 2 hours out of 72, your boobs feel like they’re about to drop off or you have no clean bottles because you haven’t washed up in a week, it’s very difficult to think this was a good idea. These thoughts are normal. People don’t tell you the truth, they should be held accountable. When you have these thoughts start making a list on who you need to blame. Start with your mother.

Next week, the The Toddler Edition….





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  • Reply Naomi May 31, 2015 at 12:36 am

    I chose never to read any baby books . I mean ZERO. I do not own even one. If I needed help I consulted a trusted professional about the specific situation. Really helped me. My approach is the same to parenting. I parent by intuition the best advice I was given before having my son is I know my child best. When I am out of my depth I get help but not from books and when all else fails I know that most things are for a season and sometimes we can’t do anything to change the weather we just have to wait for the season to pass on its own. I would buy your book though.

    • Reply MumToFive May 31, 2015 at 1:23 am

      That is the perfect attitude I love it! If I ever write my book I will give you free copies

  • Reply Haidee June 2, 2015 at 8:03 pm

    Haha! Love these tidbits of advice, and I write a post about the dummy stealing fairy the other day! POOF! They just disappear. Where do they all go? I mean seriously?! They go to bed with one and wake up without it and it is nowhere to be seen ever again. How does that happen?

    • Reply Haidee June 2, 2015 at 8:05 pm

      WROTE a post. Sorry, it’s early and I have only had two coffees instead of my usual three for 8am in the morning. Plus I had a long night with 7 visits from the 2 year old and 2 from the 3 year old. Sigh.

  • Reply Christine @ Adventure, Baby! June 5, 2015 at 10:20 pm

    Oh yes, the number of times I’ve wanted to throw in this “mum” gig and retire!

  • Reply Mumma McD June 7, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    Love this! They should hand out this info at antenatal classes rather than the rubbish they give out. Plus a dozen dummies!!

  • Reply Lauren June 8, 2015 at 1:01 am

    Love this! Looking forward to your next post – I am right in the thick of the toddler years!

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