children

#THEFLOYDFILE #4

April 15, 2015

Urban dictionary – definition of a toddler:  Tiny bipolar human under the age of 3 who can swing between endearingly cute antics and screaming, biting fits of rage.

That is the best explanation I have ever read.

We took Floyd to the Easter Show a few weeks ago. Oh how I love the show.

What a mistake.

Four hours of whinging, crying, screaming and tantrums. I am surprised he didn’t show more gratitude considering he got everything he wanted in the vain attempt to make him happy for five seconds, and that we spent a mortgage payment there. It culminated in him spread eagled on the concrete with my husband and I refusing to pick him up. He’s in the 95th percentile for height and weight. Meaning there’s only 5% of two year olds bigger than him. To the parents of that 5% I salute you – I need a week to recover after a tantrum.

 

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His artistic abilities continued this month too – new artwork galore. “The world is my canvas” is his mantra – or more specifically – any wall or white spot in the house he feels like decorating. When does it stop being “toddler behaviour” and become an offence?

 

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Toilet training is still a no go. I’m in doubt we will ever get there. Particularly when I’m told “I love my nappies, no toilet.” Change your own then mate…I’ve had enough.

The hoarding too continues. Plus a new one – hiding under a rug on the lounge, saying it’s his house. I took pity on him and told my husband we were buying him a cubby house.

Off we went yesterday. And rang 35 places which had none. A few hours later, and after hearing “I get my house today”  546 times, husband looked at me and suggested he would get it later on.

“Actually, I’d rather eat my own spleen and crawl on my fingers to Timbuktu than not get his house today” was my response. Wisely, he agreed.

He loves his “cooby” house. Within five minutes he had ripped the door off, dragged his doona and pillow inside, and moved in. Can we have our bed back now?

I’ve decided to give him a week to settle in, then pay a visit and graffiti it, throw food all over it and crunch it into the decor.

I’m sure he won’t mind.

 

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